Many of you may not know this, but I love to sing. I love to get lost in music, to hear a perfect harmony and belt it out. Singing with people who get the same joy out of the music is even better. But it’s more than singing – where my real passion lies is in leading people into worshipping Jesus. It gets my heart pounding. To be in a group of talented musicians, creatively putting together a set that we have all worked hard on, and then letting go and helping a room full of people forget their surroundings and just worship God together – that is one of the most incredible things I’ve ever experienced.
Growing up, my Mom always sang in the choir at church. I remember her putting on cassette tapes of Christmas music and practicing her alto harmonies over, and over, and over… I hated it. It was so irritating to me to hear the same thing over and over again! But it served me well. Because of her, my brain could pick out those harmonies so naturally as I began my own vocal journey in high school. I helped start a student-led high school band in my youth group at church. We played sets every week, and even played at a couple local community events. It was there I learned to lead, recover from mistakes, and think on my feet. I messed up a lot, but it was a safe place to grow. I learned new instruments and began writing my own music.
As I got older, I found my spot on a regular team at our church. I loved being a part of that group. I’m sure I was totally unqualified. The talent around me was amazing. It was so cool to watch them, and so neat to be a part of growing together with them.
Then at one point, though, I felt my attitudes and desires shifting. There were some changes going on in our church, so that was definitely part of it. During that time, I also got pregnant with our first baby. I knew I shouldn’t have a bad attitude while on stage, and babies are a good excuse out of anything, so I stepped down. That was 6 years ago, and I basically haven’t stepped back up since then.
My attitudes healed and so did our church, although neither one is ever an easy or short road. I’ve been on stage a couple times since then, but even when I’m asked to stay, I’ve always pulled away. It’s just not time yet. For awhile, I couldn’t wait to get back up there. But I’ve found a little more patience and contentment in my old(er) age. I have so many important roles to play right now. I am Mommy to 3 awesome kiddos. What I thought was just an “excuse,” in the beginning, actually was a real turning point! I would never change that for the world, but it’s true that I can’t commit to anything unless that thing lets me have 3 kids trailing along at all times. That gets me in to a lot of library storytimes, but not a lot of worship teams.
But you know what? I am TOTALLY okay with that. If it was the right thing, I know I could make it work. I have a great husband, and a great family in town, who would help make it work. But right now, I’m confident that my role is not to lead worship on stage. Maybe it’s just to lead worship in the crowd. That really is a thing. To see people you know and love let go a little and fully engage with singing truth to and about our Savior? That is something that has helped and encouraged me many times over the years. So I’m okay if that is my worship leading role right now. Truly, I’m okay if that is my worship leading role forever.
You just CAN’T do it all. There are different seasons for everything, and you just cannot do them all at one time. And you shouldn’t exhaust yourself trying to make them all happen at the same time, because then you won’t enjoy any of them!! So instead of wishing things were like “the good ole days” or wishing time would just move faster so you can get to the next step, slow down. Take a moment to list out all the GOOD things about where you are right.now. Enjoy this time. Be thankful for the past, and be hopeful about the future. But always remember to Be where you are. And know that sometimes, it’s OK (and even better) to say “No” to one of your greatest passions. Because it doesn’t have to be your only one!
Here’s to modifying life, and loving it.
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